A bit of a problem
by UnholyTales
Summary: What happens when you throw a problem child 16 year old with little self regard and no tact into a bastardised narutoverse, overpacked with dark characters, godlike beings, stupidly overpowered people and a whole bunch of alcohol and sex? I don't know either. Rated M for Swearing and semi adult themes.


Yo Guys and gals, inter-terrestrial travellers and internet porn scrapers. There will be a lot of gore, violence, sex, drinking, insanity, character bashing, public humiliation of a few characters, death, Kishimoto Bashing, Gross neglect of mythology, funny dialog, terrible Oc's and A lot of description... (cos I personally hate Fanfics where there is no description of characters, environment, personality and yada yada)

If you read that twice, or in a fast paced voice with an American accent. I tip my hat to you.

So read on.

Oh but first another warning about swearing, I know it lowers people thought on fics' and all, but mainly I'm rewriting this for myself so I'm going to write it like I want it. But in all seriousness if your not one for vulgar language then leave, this fic' will just annoy you.

* * *

It was a bright sunny day in the village of Konohagakure the birds were tweeting and the leaves rustling in the soft may breeze. Which was nice because it had rained dreadfully the other day, and some poor old lady's cat had die. This news gave the genin portion of the nin ranks a slight moral boost, at least until they learned that Tora was still alive.

You could hear the lovely and heart warming sounds of children playing in the local parks and the busy hustle and bustle of the market district. There was the ninja academy where the sounds of light combat sparring abounded, and a small stream hidden in a thick section of trees where the screams of a small child could be heard. Isn't it just a peachy place.

Today we find ourselves looking upon the appalling scene of a small child, only 9 years old being brutally beaten and stabbed by a group of kids not more than 12 or 13. Between the bone breaking beatings and stabbings, the kids were periodically drowning the small child in the nearby lake. If you could clear away the blood, dirt and small scrapes of flesh that had come loose and stuck to the child's face and hair you would see a frock of the most vibrant golden blond hair which would normally sit in a huge mess of spikey tangles but was currently plastered down to the forehead and scalp of this poor child. The sounds of laughter could be hear from behind the group where a lone Anbu, the major undercover ninja force that acts to keep a village and its villagers safe, sat watching the heinous crime as one would watch a late night TV program. This particular anbu had been given the job of protecting the small child in front of him, but like the majority of the village, this anbu hated the child with a passion, to him it was no child, but a thing to be beaten and if possible killed. Ah but if the child was to die the current Hokagae Sarutobi Hiruzen would most likely loos his shit and have everyone involved with the incident put on trial and publically executed.

But that would truly be the least of the villagers problems or the anbu's for that matter, as should the child die the great demon fox, the Kyuubi no kitsune would be released to wreak havoc and disaster on the village that had bested it and sealed it into this small child, one Uzumaki Naruto.

Unbeknownst to Naruto that on the day of his birth said demon fox the Kyuubi no Kitsune was sealed away into this poor infant by the one and only man a child should be able to trust, his own father.

But that is not common knowledge, after the council and the re-instated third hokagae found out the news, they new they would have to do something to stop a outright riot from the civilian side of the village and most probably the ninja as well.

In the great battle with the Kyuubi there was a un-precidented loss of life and village infrastructure. Fathers, Mothers, Sisters, Brothers, Sons, daughters and the odd cat, were lost. Many people lost family members maybe one, two maybe all. Due to this a great hatred grew towards the Kyuubi.

But alas the great forth Hokagae Minato Namikaze rose up against the infamous Biju and in a devastating battle he smout down the Kyuubi (not really, he actually got his ass kicked so bad he tripped over…. The Kyuubi struck with laughter couldn't get out of the way in time and was sealed… Tadaaa and the illusion is shattered) and with the help of his world renown sealing powers was able to seal the beast into his only son, born that day by his wife Kushina Uzumaki. Minato was forced to seal the strongest known Biju, a pure construct of hatred and chakra so dense it took a physical form and gained a sentient power, into his son, Namikaze Uzumaki Naruto, the boy we are now watching 9 years later being beaten and stabbed by a group of kids. Lovely Isn't it.

Now you may see this devolvement as I do and realize, wait a second, isn't he holding the great infamous beast back, isn't this one child the only reason that the village is safe and free of immediate danger? Wouldn't you praise this child as a hero and never allow him to be beaten, and worse stabbed by a measly group of kids. I sure as hell would.

But alas the village's hatred for the Kyuubi spread to its container.

So the great and wise council of Konoha ( notice the sarcasm) decided in their infinite glory and wisdom that they should class the knowledge of Naruto being a demon container a S class secret, one punishable by death should it is told to anyone who does not know of it. They did this in the hopes that the new generation of children and the past generation, the ones with no knowledge of the boys predicament would hopefully hold no animosity towards him. But the hatred of this one hero child was to great, through the intervention of council members who held particular and very strong hatred for Naruto/Kyuubi many of the adults who did not know were told and their animosity rubbed off onto their children, who in the hopes of bringing a smile to their parents faces with tales of their conquests, attacked the unidentified hero of the Leaf.

And now we are back, remember the group of kids… yeah them, quickly getting bored of beating the child and noticing the time the kids decided that it would be better off just dumping the unresponsive pile of flesh into the river and going of to play with the other children at the academy. Quickly voicing his opinion to the other children and gaining a somewhat unanimous agreement the eldest of the group, a third year academy student turned towards Naruto and kicked him into the river. With a resounding splash the group of children ran back of towards the academy, never once noticing the anbu sitting little over 10 meters away watching the whole thing.

Deciding that saving the child would be the best coarse of action at the present moment the anbu got up quietly and moved like a shadow towards the area of river the child had kicked Naruto's small body into. Thrusting his hand into the water and rummaging about for a few seconds the anbu grabbed hold of Naruto's left leg and unceremoniously dragged him out of the river picked him up and one arm threw him over his shoulder and onto the dirt by his feet. After a few quiet seconds of waiting the anbu decided that the kid was alive and would probably not need medical assistance to survive, the operative word being survive. And with that the anbu faded away into a pile of leaves leaving the area with only a final parting glance at the child.

XXXXXXXXXXX

About 5 hours later

We yet again find ourselves at the small clearing where we left, there's the river, the splashed blood, the left over kunai knives and the half mangled body of our second protagonist Naruto.

Coming in at around 4 foot 3 with bright vibrant cerulean blue eyes, golden blond locks of spikey and unkempt hair, small skinny and frail looking frame, also malnourished and dirty with badly kept clothes that looked as if they had been scavenged from a bin. Add in the severe bruising, the cuts, broken left arm, cracked ribs and severe swelling over his right eye and you get a picturesque idea of a homeless street urchin who got glassed stealing from some high hobo, this pretty much describes the state of our poor unsung hero.

"Unggggh" just a small groan almost un noticeable, along with a little twitching, our poor hero was starting to come around, back to the world of the living, but along with that came the pain of the beating and worse the emotional pain of a child who has to live through these conditions every day, go to sleep and wake up to deal with them tomorrow.

Starting with small movements Naruto moved his usable right arm up, underneath his body in an attempt to push himself up into a sitting position, but unable to muster the strength from his weak and abused little body he lay there panting and groaning in pain. This wasn't the first time our little Naruto had been through a beating like this, no this wasn't the first, this wasn't even the second, as far back as little Naruto could remember he had constantly been on his own, fighting for survival in a world that had no need for him (sept you know to hold back a ravaging force of pure female evil…..yeah Kyuubi's a female in this one guys.) struggling to get through each day, just so he could go to bed and try again tomorrow.

Naruto was first brought up in a small orphanage, a quaint little place, nothing out of the ordinary, happy smiling children, nice bedrooms and reasonably caring matrons, at least for the other children. For Naruto though his life at the orphanage had been the start of his deep and dark decent into the hell he now calls his life.

Since the very beginning Naruto had been raised with very little and in terribly poor conditions, is a special room in the attic of the quaint little orphanage was Naruto's room, a dark dank and musty cobweb filled hell hole that little Naruto was shoved into at the end of every day with one rule, Keep Quiet.

The matrons of the orphanage were especially cruel and horrible to Naruto, they fitted bars onto his window and gave him only food that was left over from the other children meals, or pulled from bins and dumps all over Konoha. He slept in a small bed, which was so old, and dirty it had springs sticking out of it, bugs crawling through the fabric and countless splotches of blood from old wounds. Being brought up with the general beatings from the caretakers over nothing at all struck home the idea to Naruto that he was hated and not needed. At the age of 4, a time when most children could speak and had started to read and write little Naruto could barley mutter five words, albeit in his condition they were the five words he used the most. 'stop, please stop, help me'

At the age of 5 Naruto was kicked out of the orphanage to live on the streets, with nowhere to go and no knowledge of the outside world its amazing he even survived at all. For the first week things weren't so bad, the weather in Konoha is usually sunny with hot days and gently warm nights, also the majority of the civilians did not know of Naruto's loss of residence at the orphanage. But the first hurdle Naruto had to cross was the prospect of living quarters, but this was quickly remedied however as a ninja with a rat mask appeared and took him to a lavish apartment building, right smack dab in the middle of the market district. To Naruto this apartment was tantamount to a kingdom. The rat masked nin person had told him that it was all his to own. The first thing Naruto had done was run into the bedroom and fall asleep on the new, double bed, devoid of springs, bugs and tattered sheets. This was a turnaround for little Naruto. If only he new how bad I would get.

XXXXXXXXXX

Back to present day

Else ware in the Great and Majestic Village Of Konoha

"Hmmm I wonder, would it be better to burn the place down, or hire nuke nin to do it for me" One Sarutobi Hiruzen (Look at that, I got his name Correct!) now sat in his chair contemplating the merits of destroying all this paperwork.

Let it be know, whilst a army can overthrow a King, a city can overthrow a greedy baron, and some villagers can beat up a 9 year old…. Err, moving on…. No-one on the face of this earth can stand paperwork.

Sitting in the lavishly outfitted hokagae's office is the hokagae himself, dressed in the red and white robes of the Hokagae and adorning the Trade mark 'pointy hat', this lovable old man was taking a little break from the hell of signing millions, and millions of approval slips, property acceptance sheets, marriage proposals between major clans or family's, new bills and unforgettably declining each and every attempt to legalize the killing of 9 year old demon containers.

"Ahhh, I'm way to old for this" since the day he had told this confounded village about Naruto's Demon status he had been bombarded with paperwork for his arrest, execution, banishment, dismemberment and yada yada. Really you'd think that people would learn, not only had he declined each and every one, but when he could he would send the author of the piece of paperwork for a little quality counselling session with Ibiki (arrrghh) But no, the village still hadn't gotten it through their thick heads. Standing up and looking around his office the Sandaime noted the large bookshelf's, filled with every possible piece of literature, the scrolls and paintings on the wall, the memorial to the previous hokagae's and the large black crack running through his beautifully sculpted ceiling, the lights that loo…. Wait … Large black crack.

With a quick yell and a motion for his contingent of Anbu to join him The Old man, jumped backwards and into his best defensive stance. As hokagae, the best of the best in a ninja village it was not uncommon for him to come across assassination attempts, albeit they usually started wars, but still.

Quickly signing for one of the 3 Anbu to go forwards and investigate the ever-growing crack on his ceiling, Sarutobi reached behind himself and pulled out a long, wickedly curved Kunai from a hidden pocket in his Hokagae robes.

As the Anbu inched his way towards the crack, a heavy presence started to fill the room, it felt as if gravity was multiplying by the second. The air was tense and the hokagae as well as his men were all on high alert.

Just as the lone anbu was reaching forward to inspect the crack, a loud screaming filled the room.

"FUUUUUUUUUUCK" With a loud yell and a lot of flailing arms and legs, the main protagonist in our story fell 16 feet, from ceiling to floor with a loud meaty thunk, at which point he screaming stopped.

Jumping back quickly at the appearance of the boy or young man, the hokagae and the 3 Anbu (the other anbu having joined the group) slowly inched their way forward towards what looked like a pile of arms and legs.

Nudging the boy/man/creature with his foot into a spread eagle position on the ground, the hokagae came to the conclusion that it was a young Human Man, albeit how he came to fall from his ceiling and nock himself out on his floor was another thing entirely.

Still fearing a surprise attack or assassination the hokagae did a quick sweep of the room, with the help of his anbu looking behind Bookshelf's, Cupboards and even under his desk. After finding nothing and not picking up any unusual chakra signatures. The hokagae ordered his anbu to take the young man to anbu Lockup for further questioning and Intelligence gathering.

It was whilst watching the retreating figures of his anbu with the slumped man over their shoulders that he finally realized that, just then, out of the blue, He had a but naked young man fall from his ceiling. Quickly looking up and expecting to see the dark crack, he was shocked to find that his beautiful and artistic ceiling had been ruined, it was all mottled and ripped up, broken chunks were only just hanging from the roof. But alas all could be fixed and no real harm done, turning around to get back to work at his desk, he came upon a truly horrifying site. All his beautifully ordered, stacked and signed paperwork was spread out over his office, covering every surface and visible bit of floor.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUK"

Needless to say, the village of Konohagakure would never be the same again.

XXXXXXXXX

With Naruto after waking up

Cold, damp and broken, these were the first thoughts to go through our blond fuzz containers head, and boy was that pounding. All he could remember was lying face down in the mud as the older boys rained blows down upon him. Not the most pleasant of memories, but not the worst, not the worst by a long shot. At least he didn't lose any limbs this time.

For Naruto he found himself in a strange place, sure that being said he would usually find himself waking up in strange places, one time after being beaten by a unruly group of civilians he had woken up tied upside down to the trees surrounding the park. That was odd, but not the worst. But this place was downright strange, form his knowledge of konoha which at the age of 9 after running for your life for the most of it, was pretty substantial. This place was nowhere in konoha.

He was in a large underground tunnel filled with eerie looking blue and red pipes, they lined the walls so thick in place it was almost impossible to make out the terrible condition of his surroundings, but so sparsely in others it would have been impossible to miss the cracked and flaking concrete, the large puddles of water on the floor and the small scraps of unintelligible paper tacked to the walls. This place was a shithole. As he was looking around himself a low thumping sound came to our little kitsunes ears. It was a slow, meaty thunk that rattled ones bones and filled the ears with a ringing after noise. And it seemed to be coming from right in front of him, taking a few tentative steps forward or protagonist found himself walking by numerous side tunnels packed with the same blue and red pipes. This hallway was massive and he couldn't see an end, after what felt like hours to a young child but was in fact a relatively short period of time. 5 minutes to be exact. Our little blond haired, blue eyed child stepped out into a huge cavern, at least half the size of konoha, this place was huge and filled with pipes, mostly red and all coming from a huge, red and iron coloured gate sealed closed with a small, thin, and cracked piece of paper. Well shit.

The source of the beating, which had gotten louder and louder the closer he had come to the gate was definitely coming from behind these bars. The size of the room definitely put this place outside of konoha, he had to give credit to the civilians who put him here, they did a good job of fucking him over this time Truthfully he wished he was a ninja, not for any false pretences, or for acknowledgement of his 'awsomeness', but so he could defend himself. That being said, not in a way that would preserve life, hell if it were up to the blond child every civilian, ninja or child that had attacked him would be drowning in a never ending pool of their own, blood tied down by their entrails and unable to move stuck feeling as demons danced around and played various disturbing and painful games with their almost corpses. Pretty fucked up aye.

But alas a lifetime of the worst treatment not even reserved for the most heinous of criminals would do things to people, or small blond haired children.

It was at that moment, when the blond was absentmindedly thinking on the slaughter of hundreds and not paying attention to his immediate environment when a huge, blood red, slitted eye open and stared down upon him. All of a sudden the loud beating that had permeated his ears vanished, replaced by a quiet but slowly increasing chuckle.

Looking up Naruto almost pissed himself, for right in front of him was a huge, gigantic even set of teeth and one massive slitted eye, so large he though he could fit an entire building into if he had to. It was truly huge.

The chuckle had escalated into a full blown booming laugh that shook the walls and rattled the pipes it was so loud that the Naruto almost fell over from the quaking of the room. The thing, whatever it was quieted down and spoke but a few words, but these were the start of a revelation for the nin world of today.

"**to what do I owe the pleasure of meeting with my most holy container"** but a few words but words laced and dripping with sarcasm and spite. It was almost palpable the enjoyment this thing was eking from the scared child as it stood their in front of it

"**well don't let me keep you waiting oh most holy one, give me an answer when your ready"** there it was again, that voice, louder than the loudest thunderclap and more sadistic, evil and sarcastic than the devil herself…..

"W-w-w-who are-a-are you?" yup just a little reminder of how frightened Naruto was. He's all cool with hanging people up in a town square by their intestines and flaying them alive, but just this voice and the huge eye were enough to make him want to crawl into a ball and die.

"**me. Me, oh I'm no one important, just you know, the friendly neighbourhood cat"** yup that voice was something else, it was the perfect blend of total non giving a shit and sarcastic rolled up in a apocalyptically scary Twinkie and iced with evil. Ohhhhh the joys of a building sized voice Box.

"c-c-cat y-y-y-y-you don't look like any cat I've e-ever seen" came the stuttered response of the blond kid, in truth the "cat" was amazed that the boy was still conscious, or unconscious, or something, in truth id didn't care soon it would take over the child and reap its revenge on the insignificant fucks that had imprisoned it and then go tear that fucking Shinigami a new asshole, yup that would be good, then maybe he would drag him down to hell and shove one of the devils horns in that new pucker. Yep that was the plane and boy he'd have a good time doing it, but first for he child.

"**no shit I don't look like a cat, what you think every cats this huge, hell even the Nebe-no-Nekomata is half my size and that's being generous"**

Being raised by yourself, as a orphan, unable to read or even purchase a book to read from Naruto had no idea what a Nebe-no-Nekomata is, and for the world of him he couldn't figure out what was going on. here was this thing, so large and scary he wanted to cry, but from the tone of voice it was very angry, or at least bitter about something "please sir who who are you"

"**Sir? Who calls a huge ass fucking woodland creature sir, and I just told you who I am, pay attention"** if there was one thing to say about the kyubi, it was he was a fucking prick. getting a straight answer out of that baster was like pulling a cactus out of a guys ass with a red hot glove covered in more cactus, it was going to be a shitstorm. **"I'm the friendly neighbourhood cat"**

This answer seem to enrage the scared shitless little child, forgetting his fear for half a moment he screamed at the thing "tell me what you are now !"

This half hearted scream seemed to have some form of effect on the thing, it stoped for a moment, blinked and then answered, tho the voice was a little different, more shocked and confused. For the kyubi this was a relatively new circumstance, here was a child that had to be less than 10 telling him what to do, he wanted to rip him to pieces, spread his blood everywhere then draw nice smiley faces with his body pars but yet, he felt compelled to do what this child had said, it was like a pat of him had twisted inside, it felt wrong. The kyubi in all of its infinite years had only felt something like this 3 maybe 4 times, once or twice when kami had ordered him to do something, once when that accursed Uchiha had used his pinwheel eyes against him and just now when a small and insignificant whelp of a child had asked him to name himself. Peculiar. Obliging this child request and his own yearnings the kyubi spoke his vice different, deeper if that was possible and smoother, almost entrancing voice, one that felt good to listen to as if everything he said was the truth and the only thing that mattered. **"I, Child, I am the Kyuubi-no-Kitsune, the nine tailed demon fox, destroyer of lands and human cities alike, and as of currently your prisoner"**

It was with these last few words that our now thoroughly shocked and bewildered protagonist felt a tugging in the back of his mind, almost as if he was being dragged somewhere in spirit and then he was gone. To the kyubi however this was something to ponder on, and laugh about when he dragged this little fucks soul to hell, thinking he could ask the kyubi a question without repercussions.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Anbu Headquarters

The Sandaime was walking along another long corridor, it was bland, unpainted rock that looked as if it had been setup and cut out quickly. He was currently walking towards one of the holding cells in the rabbit warren of a tunnel system that made up the konoha anbu black opps building and prison. He was here regarding matters of a certain naked child that had managed to circumnavigate his defences, break into a sealed room whilst avoiding the detection of himself, his anbu and the security seals set up by Jiraiya of the Sanin and himself along with the last Hokagae. It was a peculiar thing, this had never been done before, and for some reason his assailant had been but ass naked, not a scrap of clothing or weaponry on him, what was he going to do, flash him to death. At least one thing could be said for the god of shinobi, it took a girl with Tsunadae class tits to bleed him into unconsciousness, not a naked man-child falling from the ceiling. Alas we are now of topic, we were following the sandaime as he walked towards a holding cell.

Ah and here it is, standard holding cell for the lower levels of anbu prison, it took some bad shit to end up down here and the attempted assassination of a Hokagae was usually a one way ticket. There chained to a cross shaped piece of wood, clothed thankfully in slight prison garb hung the actual protagonist for this story, a young 16-17 year old boy with green hazel eyes, a skinny but muscular body and a shock of unruly brown black hair. Pretty ordinary f you asked him. "medical files" it was a short command, and it was given like a whip crack, it had a steely undertone and left all the warmth of the portrayed grandfatherly figure in its grave where it rightfully belonged, this was the voice of the true god of shinobi. He pondered his duel personalities as he waited for the doctors/interrogators to give him this persons files. There was a reason for them, to the public, the ninja working for him and any spies that might have infiltrated his office staff, the voice of a lovable aged old man who could be counted on to be wise and caring was the perfect cover, it dealt with all the problems his village could throw at him and still had room for more, civilians appreciated his kindness, ninja believed he cared for them and little blond children looked up to him. But only in his office. Down here in the basement levels of konoha with only his village elite he was as cold as the rock this place had been cut out of. Down here he was the god of shinobi, no warmth, no jesting and defiantly no heart. All that was important to him was keeping himself safe and keeping his village safe, this was the personality of the person who turned the tides of the 3rd great ninja war, this was the voice of a killer who had killed, will kill and will keep killing because he can. This was the voice of a true village leader.

"Here you go Hokagae-sama" a doctor handed him the files on this person, u

hhh' they were lengthy and caked with sticky notes, this will be great fun he thought sarcastically.

Flicking past the top pages, which were merely doctor's formalities, the sandaime jumped headlong into the shitstorm contained in this folder.

In front of him was a male child, that pretty obvious though the sandaime, 16 years old, yup can see that, with no chakra coils, …..now that's something, how could someone with no chakra get into my office, but this was not as surprising as the next line, 'has a different physiological makeup and muscular build than the population of our planet'. Holy shit that's insane, 'muscles are severely under developed, the eyes are larger and more spaced apart, the heart lungs and liver are larger than the normal population, the chakra gates in the body are almost empty and this child/thing had millions of small rips and tears to his cells and this body. If it weren't for his medical team working non-stop to keep this person alive he would have been dead a hundred times over. Its a good thing the only medical legend on history wasn't tho only one in reality. It keeps to have some things off the records.

Taking a step back from the cell and inspecting the boy in front of him he was coming to the conclusion that things ran a little deeper than your average assassination attempt. This could be as far as…. It was at this moment that a blindingly white light erupted from the boys chest filling the usually gloomy and dark cavern space of the anbu cells. the light was followed with a flood of chakra so potent and large in amount and quantity that the sandaime himself almost fell to the ground gasping for breathe, it was not killing intent that caused his to do this, but merely the pressure of the charka, his guards and the doctors were already unconscious and he believed some of the other prisoners in the are a were dead due to heart failure, shit that's unlucky, doing his best he legged it out of the corridor as fast as possible, whatever was going on down their could be deadly and he wanted nothing to do with it. he would send down maintenance crews once the power surge had stopped, they would take care of the bodies and hopefully retrieve his doctors and guards alive, he would deal with the prisoner then, that's if he didn't die from a chakra overload, the sandaime wasn't sure how it was possible, a chakra blast from someone with no chakra coils and almost non-existent chakra gates. This was something to think about.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

In another place entirely

Regal architecture made up this building, it was lavishly furnished with large glass windows and curved walls, slanted buildings and large bridges between floating levels. The area was permeated with a white light, there were figures lounging about, resting, working talking, and a few odd ones playing card, a quiet murmur was perceivable if you listen closely enough

Off in another part of this place was a room, simply fitted with a large floating globe of exquisite detail, every mountain every valley, they were all there sculpted and made beautifully and to the finest quality, the room itself was decked out in redwood tables and chairs 11 in total with the eleventh being a chair so majestic and beautiful it would make kings give up their kingdoms just to sit in it. But alas this seat was taken. In the middle of the room was a woman chained by the neck with ugly black spiked chains to a round ring in the floor, the chains were so alien to the room and felt so wrong resting on the neck of this beautiful woman, she was dressed in a pure white kimono, her features looked as if they were gifted from the gods, which is ironic in a way. She looked to be 22 with high cheekbones, large voluptuous lips of the deepest red, they struck a stark contrast with her face which was almost porcelain white, her eyes were large and beautiful with the irises being a deep shade of purple so calmed and so godly you could almost fall into them, they were eyes that spoke of untold wisdoms and years, years beyond their ages. Her hair was a vibrant silver that flowed gracefully past her hips and hung just at her knees, it look as if a waterfall of silver light was cascading off her, it almost seemed to radiate beauty. She was tall but not giant, with modest d sized breast, large hips but a thin waist. she held herself with a sense of grace and tranquillity that could crush the hopes and dreams of a woman and make men fall into the deepest love with but a look, she was so beautiful an entrancing that the chains that held her to the ground looked evil and foreign almost as if they should be struck from her neck by god himself, funny that seeing as they were placed there by god. For beneath the beauty and innocence of this woman lay a power almost as strong and large as kami himself.

She was kami's daughter, princess Akane and she was in some serious shit.

The other chairs were taken up by various figures, they looked sharp and daunting like heads of state, they to held themselves with an otherworldly positioning and grace, but all were overshadowed by the man in the great chair.

Here sat god, kami, Allah, however you name him, here he sat in all his glory, he was a tall and formal looking man, lithe and ready for anything with a hard and calculating look that undercut his kind and forgiving nature. He wore only a dark red kimono with no adornments, his eyes were golden of colour and so was his hair that fell to his shoulder blades, he held sway over the room, everything seemed to hang off his decision.

And he spoke. His voice was beautiful and deep, a strong and full all encompassing sound that would make your heart yearn to hear it, but the words he spoke were not kind. They were harsh and sentencing. "Akanae, you have disgraced me" the words sounded strange and wrong coming from a figure like him "your abandonment of the human world has shown your childishness and inability to lead, through your absence they have evolved to kill one another with little regard for the life you gave them, you have disgrace not only yourself but me in the face of the council of elders." It was a curt and strong reprimand made all the more heavy by tho sneers of the onlookers

"But father, " this voice was of the woman, and it had sounded more beautiful than she looked, it was strong but flowed like a river, loud and understandable but soft and comforting, it would make a man kill to hear it and husbands leave their wife if she called their names, it was powerful and tempting "these humans are but ants to us, I care not for them, they should never have been made" "ENOUGH, I will not hear you talk down on them, you should have known better, you of all people, they are but sheep which should be lead to the light" at this Akanae cut in "but father they are not worthy of the light they are dirty and sullen" these words seemed to anger the people at the tables and kami's face seemed to darken "stop Akanae I will not hear you slander these people any more, you must take care of your people before it is to late"

"Never, they are not people but brutes and savages, I wash my hands of them" these words that were so cruel but sounded so sweet, it was a paradox unexplainable in simple text.

"You wash your hands of them do you, well if this is how you feel" thinking that she had won the argument Akanae kipped in "of course, they are worthless and mean nothing to me"

" Well then, the council and I have come to a decision, 'daughter" that word was spoken with a mix of emotions, there was sadness and disappointment mixed with a sense of duty and fear, in his mind kami was questioning what he was abut to do, nothing left but to proceed "Akanae if you think these humans are worthless and you would wash your hands of them, than I wash my hands of you, the council and I have decided that you will be sealed within one of your worthless being until time purges and all that is, is gone, you will walk the lands and abyss's between ages knowing forever after that you have brought this on yourself, you will gain no help from us as the gods. If it was within our power we would strip your of your tails, but alas we cannot. Myself and the council will seal you into a random being from a time in your world, you have brought this on yourself and are solely to blame for your fall from grace" these words were spoken, you could hear a pin drop the room was so still

"but father"

"STOPE AKANAE YOU WILL HEAR ME, FROM NOW ON YOU ARE BANISHED TO LIVE A LIFE OF EXILE, ALL YOUR YEARS WILL BE SPENT SEPERATED FROM US, YOU WILL HAVE NO PLACE IN HEAVEN NOR HELL UNTILL THE DAY WE CEASE TO EXIST" It was a shock to the seated gods to hear their lord shout out like that, but not unexpected.

That was that once Kami had stopped talking the chains binding the woman snapped tight and slowly dragged her down to the floor, a ring of glyphs and symbol rose out of the ground, written in the deepest red "SEAL" kami spoke but one word and then the woman was gone, no light, no change, nothing just gone.

Defeated by his own emotions kami collapsed into his chair, what had he just done, he had banished his own daughter to the life of exile, this was not some light punishment from which he could bring her back, that sealing method was made and used by everyone on the council, it was unbreakable, a contact signed in the blood of the gods, 11 gods to be exact. Akanae was as good as dead, from where he has sent her there was no coming back.

The councillors sat back in their chairs, this was not a time to be rejoicing, but grieving. They had condemned one of their own to something so horrible it was not even worth thinking on, but worse, they had condemned an innocent human to live a life with no end.

To humans the search for meaning can only be completed through death, the transcendence from living flesh to the immortal plane, that ability to live with, talk to and be one with a great immortal being. One so powerful he had created the gods himself, even kami would bow down to his power.

The gods were not naive they knew that something must have created them for when they came into being the universe was already there, ripe for the moulding.

But now, this small human child, who would have gone on to live a normal life, free from the worry and guilt of millions that he would now be forced to carry, free of the everlasting depression of one who cannot cease to exist. This child would live forever, even after his death he would continue to exist.

Even tho the gods had cursed one of their own, they did not weep for her, they wept for the child who would be stuck in this plane of existence until eternity itself up and died.

From the spot on the ground where the woman vanished into, a white light was starting to form. From the still glowing seals and inscriptions on the ground new chains started to sprout, unlike the black but not unusual chains that kept the god chained to the ground these chains were tainted.

They grew from the ground, blacker than the deepest pools of hell, coiled and deformed with jagged edges and ripped twisting metal sticking out for all the see. The chains slowly twisted and turned, wrapping around themselves to form a spherical shape almost as large as a human child. The chains seemed to constrict, then bulge as a pure white light formed inside the ball, the light was beautiful but harsh. The chains seemed to give one last constriction before a black tendril formed and sunk into the light. The glow dimmed and the colour changed to a deep purple.

During this whole process the gods had been awestruck, never had something so ….. unexplainable happened on their realm.

When the chained light seemed to settle, kami got up of his throne and stalked slowly and carefully towards it. Here was an unknown power in his world and he would be damned if he did not figure out what it was.

"Kami sir, be careful I feel a great evil radiating off this thing" the lord death spoke. He was a tall and imposing figure. Even when sitting he had an air of regality (not a real word :P) around him. He looked as he was depicted in human story's and scriptures, a skeletal figure draped in black cloth. His face was slightly elongated and his teeth sharpened to points. His chest was ripped open and his ribs were broken leaving a jagged and uneven hole in his upper body, he wore no clothes but his draped cloth and a pair of leather boots, adorned with silver buckles and scribed with golden thread 'he who hears the clicking of my boots, will hear the swish of my scythe'

"Worry not lord death" to the roused and unnerved gods kami's voice was like a soothing tonic "I am nought but careful at the best of times, in this situation I'm am the epitome of the word"

Walking within reach of the ball kami extended his hand towards it, as if to cradle the chained light. But before his hand could touch the course chains a spear of dark metal extended forwards to stab into the god's hand. Whipping backwards with a small leap kami pulled out a short dagger whilst the other gods jumped to their feet.

Stalking forwards again, dagger in hand and extended to impale the ball another spike grow from the chains, this one larger and serrated, the spike broke off and floated in the air, dipping and bobbing around almost mesmerizingly. Suddenly like a loosed bolt from a crossbow the spear of black metal shot off and impaled kami in the left shoulder, just above the heart. With a slight grunt kami reached up and ripped the piece of metal out. His wound healing so quickly it was as if he hadn't been hit in the first place.

By now all the guards had assembled around the ball weapons drawn, ranging from a small dagger to the scythe of the Shinigami himself.

"Kami-sama, what is it?" this was lady luck, she was a beauty in her own right, among the gods she held no special power, but among humans she was almost as powerful as the Shinigami.

"It is a soul, but why it is like this I do not know. I believe that this soul is the combined life force of Akanae and whomever she was sealed into. The chains however I do not know. I believe that they are protecting this soul, but they seem to have corrupted it at the same time. Maybe if we all attack at the same ti…."

Kami was cut-off mid sentence by a deep resonation voice that seemed to be come from everywhere and nowhere at the same time. **"You shall do no such thing."** The voice was quick and rang with a power so formidable and strong the walls themselves shook **"Here stands a soul that you have condemned, here is a soul bound in the chains of the ether, it will stand here in your hall of gods as testament to the grate shame you have brought upon yourself. Be warned, the first of you to be injured was not permanently harmed. I will not tolerate another transgression. This soul will stand till the last breath of the human child you condemned is drawn. Know this oh fairer race, even the godly can be demonic"**

And as suddenly as it had started the voice disappeared.

"well shit" lady fate jumping in at the right moment to keep everyone on the ball

"well that was most certainly surprising" shuffling his feet…eh boots against the marble floor the Shinigami spoke up again " so what do we do with this now, we could try to move it, but I don't think that will sit well with whoever is making us keep it here"

"Well shit" lady luck once again

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Walking through the red-light district of konoha in the best of conditions was risky, but beaten and broken was a death sentence. The usually quiet and civil streets of konoha were contrasted with the downright evil and advantages areas of konoha. The red-light district was full of full of rapist, thief's and pickpockets. Luckily Naruto made it all the way home with little trouble, save for the insults of "demon scum" and "I hope you die" these were the nicest of them, and at one point a civilian threw a broken glass bottle towards him, leaving a nasty cut on his arm, tho in hindsight the cut was one of the least dangerous found on the boy.

Making it to his rundown and decrepit apartment, passing the sprayed up walls and the empty apartments. He was lucky in a way, tho his building was shit and the graffiti on the walls begged for his death, he had a small place in this hostile village to be 'truly' alone.

Opening his door, unlocked as always. The blond contemplated his life up till this point. Since he had been kicked out of the orphanage he had been living in this apartment, it wasn't a week after living on the streets that a creepy masked person called rat had come up to him, and with a nin technique took him to the Hokagae's at this point the Hokagae had given the little streetrat boy an apartment and a general stipend for him to use as he wished. He had been escorted at the time to a lovely apartment building in the market district of konoha. That had all changed tho. Through the councils meddling and string puling the boy had been moved from his high price apartment to a low price room masquerading as an apartment. It was rundown when he had gotten there and it had only gotten worse. The apartment was rundown with broken steps leading up towards the building, the paint was peeling and faded, the walls were starting to crack and Naruto swared the main support columns for the building has broken down the middle. The hot water had been shut of the week he had gotten there and the other occupants of the building moved out the next.

Walking through his littler filled apartment the blond child flopped down onto his lumpy and crooked couch, despite the pain in his limbs he managed to fall asleep and yet again awoke to find himself in a dark chamber filled with pipes upon pipes both red and blue. Quickly recalling to himself that odd dream he had quite recently where in a large fox/cat creature had spoken to him. That was scary. Walking along the corridor the boy yet again came to the large cavern with large puddles and huge piping and there, now fully illuminated was the large fox, yep it was definite it was a fox. It had a dark bloody orange fur with large claws as white as polished ivory, its fur fan down its back with a rippling of darker shades of orange culminating in its most distinctive orange tails, 9 of them to be exact. Naw, although Naruto couldn't read he had seen a few pictures of the kyuubi, mostly in his first years at the orphanage, for some reason the matrons there had put a big scary picture of the fox in his room, hanging over the door. The fox's breathing was slow and steady leading the blond to believe that it was asleep, slowly moving forward towards the fox he spoke up trying to wake the creature.

"a-ano, its you again" the slight stuttering at the beginning of his sentence was a progress determined on last time he had met the creature not even 6 hours ago. Not getting a reaction from the beast the child was about to speak again when a large and vibrant red eye opened up and shifted down to look at Naruto.

Waking up fully the kyuubi stood up and stretched, quite catlike in Naruto's opinion, opening its huge gaping maw and giving a loud yawn the kyubi settled down and turned towards the blond.

"**What reason does my container come down her to talk to me? Huh"** looking startled and undecided the boy spoke up "Why do you keep calling me your container" he asked with a puzzled look "and where am I and who are you"

The fox not realising how ignorance of the child scoffed at the idea of someone not knowing who he was, it was preposterous, and to believe that he had no knowledge of his status as a jinchuriki was even more absurd. In his opinion there was no space in the world for ignorance and he would not take any cheek from a small child regardless of his current position…. Sealed inside said child…. In a disgusting ass fucking sewer. Like really what sort of fucked in the head person, actually has a sewer as their visual representation of their own mind. That shits fucked up.

Grumbling to himself which came out as more of a mute roar the kyubi yawned again before speaking **"I refuse to believe your ignorance youngster, I have already told you who I am and where you are."** the ground was shaking, yup that set it for Naruto this thing must be bigger than he thought. That makes it huge … wow **"Since you have twice now feigned ignorance of my personage I shall tell you again, I AM THE MOTHER FUCKING KYUUBI"** the roar was powerful enough to pick the boy up and send him tumbling head over heels back into one of the pipe laden hallways. **"How you could have grown up not knowing who I am"** scoffed the kyubi **"like look at me, im big, Orange and I look fucking malevolent, I even have the teeth, don't these things look imposing to you, do you have any idea how much I pay every millennia getting these things whitened. A fucking lot thank you very much"** sarcastic, yeah but when your sealed in a child for 9 years you would start to develop a few quirks.

Scared, wobbling and dam near pissing himself in fright The blond boy walked back up to the cage, recovering the lost ground after the kyuubi's roar and before his self preening rant.

"b-but if you're the kyubi, why ar-are you h-h-here?" ah and there's the stuttering again. God I hate writing in stuttering, ah shit I digress. "And here? Where is here?"

In a tone, not unlike how one would speak to a small child when they don't understand fuck all about what's gong on around them, ironic really. The kyubi decided he would enlighten this child. Why? Well search him; maybe he was just getting board of this pussyfooting around and pointless recurring questioning.

"**My little human container"** oh yeah, here comes the snide remarks and loads of sarcasm **"We are in a visual representation of your mind, sort of like a hub where your soul rests and your mind grows out from. This is the earliest part of your being and the oldest all rolled into the one place"** holy shit the kyubi could be a poet…. Oh wait. **"Most people cant reach this point in their being without some external help or at least a mind related kekke genkai. But luckily, or unluckily for you, you have me, and that sure as fucking hell isn't lucky for me."** Yeah he was loading this on, the anger and hatred was palpable in his …tone? Or whatever a humongous fucking fox has**. "so you know that I'm the kyubi, you now know that were in your mind and you probably know a lot of other things, now your probably wondering how I came to be here aye?"** a subtle nod of the head affirmed the kyuubi's assumption, he grinned his toothy grin, he liked being right. **"well your glorious father"** that's as far as he got with that.

"you know my father" blurted out the blond, this had truly caught his attention, sure learning that a big scary fox thing that had neigh on destroyed you village in the past was in your head and talking to you, that's a huge revelation, but learning about his father. Was like giving water to the thirsty, it was knowledge that could quench the thirst of his soul and stop the aching in his heart.

Disgruntled at being cut off, he the one with the loader voice, the kyubi snapped of at the child **"Of coarse I know your father runt, he's the fuckwad that sealed me into your miserable hide in the first place, there I was frolicking about in you human village, grabbing a snack or two of your delightful villagers when that aswipe, sack of shit waste of space, dumped a fucking frog on me….. a god dam frog, like who the fuck does that, a frog!"**

Now more than a little stunned at the fox's ranting and very confused about the whole frog thing our little Blondie-kun still didn't know who his father was, he was so giddy with excitement, or fear either one cos his legs had promptly stopped working and he fell flat on his ass. His dad must have been really strong to drop a frog on the kyubi, especially on big enough to make it mad and angry…. Boy that must have been a huge frog.

"but ne, Kyuubi-san what's my fathers name?"

Still fuming abut the frog, god he detested frogs. Turning towards the child he now wished would turn to stone and stop asking him questions he decided that a solid and straightforward answer would be the best coarse of action.** "Your father was Minato Namikaze" **

And with that the room began to fade, try as he might to fight it the blissful slumber of unconsciousness came and claimed the boy. Leaving the kyubi all to himself to brood. At least almost all to himself. A sudden bright light filled the now vacant chamber, this was peculiar, as far as the kyubi knew only he or the boy naguto, or something like that, could get in her, and this defiantly wasn't …. Him… it. Whatever.

As sudden as it arrived a wave of power washed out from the centre of the room, the light faded and the room returned to darkness leaving a seemingly well lit scroll in its place.

Before he could ponder the meaning of the scroll it started to move, unclasping itself and floating through the air till it hung at eye level, well eye level for a big fox thing. The scroll opened to reveal ancient writing unreadable to most life on this planet, but not the kyubi.

The message was simple.

'Another fallen walks among you'

"Well shit" this was the kyubi

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He was cold, no scratch that, he was freezing. He was also hanging upside down, 'oh god what's wrong with my head'

Slowly coming to from whatever drug induced slumber he must have been in the brown haired child who was previously introduced to the floor started to moan. As far as he knew this was the worst fucking hangover he had ever had, Jesus it felt like there was a ton of angry women running around on a 90% off Gucci sale in his head.

And why was he so cold, daring to crack an eye open slightly to scope out the 'damage' he noticed that he was firmly tied to a cross, by his ankles, but ass naked, and wow there was some spanking hot lady there to and she was real close to his balls.

Closing his eyes to interpret what was going on he awoke fully with a startled yelp and a sharp pain in said balls.

Taking stock of his predicament he noticed that yes he was upside down, yes there was a hot chick right there, and hoooo fuck she had some weird ass looking knife to his balls. "ohhh fuck!, who the fuck are you!, Jesus Christ where am I!, I don't have any money please, please, please don't stab me in the balls!"

The hurried please to keep his genitals fell on semi deaf ears. He also took in the fact that it was not just one hot chick in the room with him, or more like cell, there was also 3 other men and a woman wearing a white hospital gown, although the surgical saw and other equipment she was holding on her person was really belaying the relief he felt of having her around.

The three men were vastly different to the brown haired kid, the closest one to him was a tall and imposing figure, steely face and black eyed, capped of with a bandana wrapped around his obviously baldhead. The next man was tall like the other but dressed in more welcoming clothes, whilst the previous fellow was wearing all black trench coat and boots with black gloves on, this man was wearing some strange green jacket over blue pants and a sleeveless green shirt, he had bright blue eyes and bright blond hair done up in a pony tale, if it wasn't for the situation he was in, he might have looked comforting. And last but not least the man furthest away from him, not by much tho was short, standing probable 5"9 and dressed in a white robe with some weird pointy hat, and he was old, like grandfather old. Unlike you common everyday garden grandfather tho, this man had no strip of kindly emotion on his face, and that unnerved him more than the knife pressed against his sac, which was making itself known again with a faint trace of pressure. Diverting his eyes from the doctor and men back to the crazy lunatic with the knife he noticed that she looked out of place in this cell arrangement thing, and she looked even more estranged by the knife she was holding.

This woman had purple shoulder length hair and a cute, but defiantly beautiful face, to him she couldn't be over 22, she had a ridged but regal jaw line with fairly nice d cup tits, odd how he could magically place her cup size from a cursory upside down glance, but hell right now that wasn't the most important thing.

She seemed to be saying something, but his ears mustn't be working cos he only caught the last snippet of what she said

"idiot child"

Well that's pretty rude, the least she could do was be polite and all, hell she only had a knife to his balls. "hack*, ohhhhh fuck my head" yeas, oh fuck my head, glorious almost first words in a new world.

"I said" oh that was her talking, she had this od quirk of her lips when she spoke, cute "if you don't tell me your name, your home village and your reason for attempting to kill the Hokagae in the next three seconds, ill relieve you of your little friends here"

Ok, nope he takes it back, there is nothing cute bout a chick going to cut your balls off.

"I hate to interrupt anko-san" that was the creepy lady doctor "But as we tested before, they will just grow back"

"Oh, god dam it Hatari, you cant go saying that in front of the prisoner" is she pouting? "We don't want him to know we've already cut his balls off"

Whooo ok that does it, did she just say they had cut my balls off. "what the fuck you crazy bitch" while it was meant to sound brave and confronting, the dry throat coupled with the pounding headache it came out as more of a raspy whimper "Don't fucking put that knife near my balls"

Looking down at the prisoner' and smiling sadistically, revealing slightly sharper than normal teeth the purple haired woman now named as Anko spoke up "Oh so he talks. My previous questions stand, where the fuck are your from and why did you try to assassinate the Hokagae" pressing the knife in harder, the kid could feel it about to pierce his skin

"ahhh wait, wait," trying to head of the potentially really painful amateur castration the kid spoke up "stop don't cut me, ah-ah m-my names Carl, I don't know what your talking about to do with villages and some hokege thing, but why do you have my here? What did I ever do to you?"

He wasn't sure if it was the downright creepy fucking creepy pedo/masochistic smile that came over Anko's face or the snakes that started to slither out from her mesh shirting, In the end it didn't matter, with a quick clench of his ass cheeks and a slight yelp, the snakes wrapped themselves around his neck, arms and torso holding him to the cross and starting to tighten, hell she might just squeeze the answers out of him if this continued.

And shit was she smiling more, leaning down to the snake wrapped boy and whispering in his ear "my little pet snakes, well not so little" chuckling whilst the snakes wrapped around her captive she continued "well, their known to kill with but a drop of venom, I don't do things in drops" a dam near psychopathic smile came over the chic, almost splitting her face, if Carl had been in his right mind he would have pissed himself, but alas in this case he just yelled, really loud, load enough for Anko to smash the back of his head into the cross he was bound to.

Quickly stepping in to stop Anko from killing the would be assassin Ibiki, the man in the overcoat with the sick ass bandana introduced himself "My name is Ibiki, I'm the torture and interrogation specialist for Konoha, hi. As you have probably noticed your not really in the best position to get out of here alive, if you ever get out of here" Noticing the captives lack of attention ibiki grabbed him by one of the snakes that had started to wind around his kneck and slapped him once right across the face. With a startled splutter and a jerk denoting his regain of normal consciousness, not that he had been unconscious in the first place. Carl's eyes swivelled up to meet Ibiki's. "Look kid, I don't know how old you are, but I do know you breached village security and potentially put the Hokagae's life in danger, if you answer my questions I may be able to do something for you"

Turning his head as much as he could around the snakes to look at the other people in the room, he noticed the blond man seemed to be paying rapped attention to him, almost like he could read his mind just by studying his face. If only he knew.

"Look, I don't know where I am, what time it is, what the hell is a hookage and why am I but ass naked" to Carl the most logical explanation for all of this would be some hidden camera game show, and if that was the case he was going to make a damb good show of it. Either that or he was in some coma or a dream, but this didn't feel like any dream he had ever had. So he was in a coma…. Or a game show. Well it was really simple to figure out which one, they would never cut hiss balls of in a game show. And that was that with his mid set on determining what was happening to him and to figure out whether this was a game show or not, Carl set forward to make one of the greatest mistakes of his life.

"Can it creepy fuck, snake lady can cut my balls off before ill tell you anything" yes here it came, the denial and their inability to cut his balls off. They would never do it, no matter what and then h- "AHHHHHHHHHHHH FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK"

not missing a beat Anko had stepped forwards and with a slight grab and a slash, separated his nuts from his body. Revelling in the slight spray of blood and the screaming of the not 17 year old child Anko's face lit up in a smile more depraved and psychotic than before. Ibiki, the Hokagae and the resident Yamanaka all cringed with shared pain for the child, sure he might be a assassin or a spy from another village, but still, having your balls cut of!

Thankfully, for the child at least, blanking out from the pain left the interrogators and a very worried medic nin to themselves. Rushing up to the injured child the medic nin immediately started her mystic palm technique to stem the blood flow, she would have done more for the child but from previous testing, they knew it would grow back. It was kind of creepy really.

"Anko" barked the Hokagae stepping forwards to confront the young lady "what has gotten into your mind thinking you can assault the child like that"

Pouting slightly and looking just a bit ashamed of herself she spoke up in her own defence "but Hokagae-sama, we knew his balls would grow back, its not like it would have been permanent damage, hell I give em 3 hours max" and it was true, this young child that they had never seen before had the fastest healing factor they had ever seen, even the famed Uzumaki didn't heal this fast. Whatever it was it must be a very valuable bloodline, possibly he could be bread for his children to bolster the konoha ranks.

Quickly remembering that she was holding balls Anko let them drop to the floor before unceremoniously licking her kunai clean. "mmmmmm his blood tastes good"

"Anko" the harshness was still in his voice, but it had seemed to soften a bit "We cant just go around maiming people because their junk will grow back, now he's unconscious, Inoichi, please do your thing"

Being called forward, Inoichi pushed up his sleeved before crouching down to the kids head height, going through a quick string of hand signs and palming the Childs forehead, inoichi went ridged, then started to spasm and groan, before ultimately collapsing on the ground, blood starting to drip from his nose.

"Shit" the unanimous shout rose up from the rest of the people assembled. Rushing forwards for the second time the medic nin did a quick scan of Inoichis head, before standing and moving back "he's only unconscious" she said " its nothing serious as far as I can tell, just a minor brain overload, although It is peculiar for someone as advanced in the use of the mid walk technique to suffer from something like this"

Noting the failure of the mind walk and the current station of inoichi the Hokagae called a clean-up crew to come in and take inoichi to the hospital whilst taking the child down from the cross, they would have patched him up but they already knew it would make no difference.

In his most humble opinion this entire thing had been one fuck up after the other. Total shit.

Pulling out his pipe and some Tabaco the Hokagae started to move back through the long tunnels of the anbu compound, pondering the strange occurrence that surrounded this child. Knowing that there would be infinitely more.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

During the shitstorm after Carl had his balls cut off, in his mindscape

Waking up to the soft grass tickling his face and the sound of birds chirping, Carl looked around to find himself in a large meadow all around him there was a seemingly endless grass plane broken by only two things, to his left, not very far away was a huge pedestal made of stone with golden inlay, upon the pedestal sat a humongous scroll, it looked like something he had seen in a history book, just 50 times bigger, hell the thing was almost as big as he was. But this didn't capture his attention for long, feeling a strong but warm breath of wind Carl turned around, facing away from the scroll.

Almost shitting himself in fright and jumping back (read falling over and scrambling ass dragging along the ground pissing himself) till he was pushing himself up against the smooth stone of the pedestal. What could make someone act like this you ask. Well maybe a humongous ass fucking dragon! Laying not 10 meters in front of him.

The word humongous didn't do the creature justice, it was fucking huge. From his position he couldn't see the entire thing but he was sure it would be bigger than some cities, it was gargantuan, and if it wasn't for its distinctive shape and the huge ass fucking eyes staring strait at him he may have thought it was a pitch black fucking mountain. Not a hill. Not a cliff A FUCKING MOUNTAIN. Hell was that snow on its back?

Still pushing himself against the pedestal he started to take in the details of the dragon. Well it was huge for one, the thing was beyond his comprehension in size, its scales were utterly pitch black, but they glittered in the light. It had pure white ivory teeth set in its two huge jaws, hiding a serpents split tong. There were black golden spines running down its back, with two wings, almost as big as the beast itself sticking out from its shoulders, they were claw tipped and leathery looking. All this paled in comparison to the eyes, beyond huge they were slitted black with golden spirals of light flittering through them, and locked on him. Despite all this however there were large black, spiky and jagged chains wrapped around the beast. The chaise were twisted and contorted, holding the beast down to a centre ring just in front of the thing.

Despite the chains, the look it was giving him, It was a predatory gaze almost picking him apart with its contempt and utter disregard for him. But still its gaze held his for a long moment before the creature broke the silence, not with a roar or even a snarl. But with a simple word, yes a word. The fucking thing could speak.

"**YO"**

* * *

And thats the wrap, not very interesting yet, but the hilarity and stupidity will pick up next chapter. if you feel like beta'ing this... thing... Inbox me. if you have useful constructive criticism, inbox me. if you have any ideas about where this is going, inbox me.

thats about it really, thanks for reading people.


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